While Filming: Fullmtal Alchemist
by Leeches Lolita
Summary: what happens when you try to make an anime based on real events? well...short jokes, heavy bags, uninvted guests, obsessed fangirls, shippings, video games, and more! better than it sounds i promise! script format. THIS IS CRACK!
1. Episode 1: Welcome to showbiz, Edward!

While Filming:

Fullmetal Alchemist

_**Episode One: Attack of the fangirls / welcome to showbiz, Edward!**_

Director: hello, cast! My name is Yasuhiro Irie and I am the director of the new up and coming anime series Fullmetal Alchemist. (Holds up hands for applause, but nobody claps)

Alphonse: *cough*

Director: um…anyway, today we start filming episode one. I hope you all memorized your lines!

Edward: (raises hand) wait…we have to memorize stuff?! I thought that I just had to blow stuff up with my alchemy! And besides…this is the anime based on what really happened. I shouldn't have to memorize what I said; I mean…I said it!

Director: um…even if that did make sense, I don't care. This is MY anime, after all!

Edward: but-

Director: no buts! Now Q YOUNG ED AND AL!

(Younger versions of Edward and Alphonse enter set)

Young Ed: Sup guys!

Young Al: Um…like omg!

Edward: um…who the hell are they supposed to be?

Director: well, seeing as you guys are, like, teenagers, we had to hire other people to act as your younger selves.

Edward: yea, but they don't even look like us! Since when have I had brown hair?! Right Al? Al? Hello? (Al doesn't answer) um...you okay?

Alphonse: young al is…is…A GIRL! Why is my younger self a girl?!

Director: well…to be honest, you did have a pretty high pitched voice back then, and, well…let's face it. No boy on earth could play you. So we hired this girl!

Young Al: don't worry; I'd never ever mess up! Especially when I get to work with the fabulous and talented Edward Elric! Eeep!

Edward: oh great! She's a FANGIRL!

Director: oh, who cares? PLACES!

Dude: marker. Scene one, take one!

Young Ed: that otta do it. You ready?

Young Al: I'm always ready when I'm with YOU, Edward Elric! Tee hee!

Director: CUT! You have to say what's written in the script! And try to sound more like a guy, but make your voice more high pitched. Aaaaaaaaaaaand…ACTION!

Dude: marker. Scene one, take two.

Young Ed: that otta do it. You ready? (Young Al sits their drooling and staring at young Ed) um…can I help you with something?

Young Al: can I kiss you? (Edward punches her) OW!

Director: CUT! Edward…! You aren't even in this scene. Young Elrics…take a break. Let's move to the scene with Rose in it. Rose?

Rose: yea?

Director: you're on!

Dude: marker. Scene two, take one!

Director: ACTION!

Rose: I see theirs plenty of excitement around here today! (Drops paper bag of…whatever…on Edward's foot)

Edward: Ow! What the heck, Rose! What do you have in that bag, anyway?! Rocks?

Rose: heh heh…yea!

Edward: I hate you, Rose!

Rose: yea, well…I love you!

Director: CUT! Do it again!

Dude: marker. Scene two, take two.

Rose: I see theirs…he he…plenty of…he he…excitement around here today!

Director: CUT! What's so funny!?

Rose: nothing! I'm just thinking about a joke that Winry told me last week. Hee hee hee!!!!!

Director: ugh…just-

Winry: did somebody say my name???? How about you, Edward?! Did YOU say my name???

Edward: FREAKING FANGIRLS!

Director: Winry…you aren't even in this episode! Go home! (She walks away taking under her breath)

Dude: marker. Scene two…take…oh just do the stupid scene!

Rose: I see theirs plenty of excitement around here today!

Random Guy: ah…Rose!

Rose: tee hee! Don't mind me…I don't wanna spoil all your…um…line?

Edward: FUN! I don't wanna spoil all your FUN! Good God Rose! Can't you do anything right? (Rose stands their starring at Edward with a dreamy look in here eyes) um…you alright?

Rose: can I kiss you?

Edward: (loses temper and takes Alphonse's script and tears it in half and starts stomping on it) THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE STUPID EDWARD LOVERS! THE WORLD SHOULD KNOW THAT I ONLY LOVE **WINRY**

Winry: um…really, Edward?

Edward: um…

(random girl runs into studio and points finger at Edward)

Girl: Did I hear my Edo-kun say he LOVES ANOTHER WOMAN? GET HIM, GIRLS!

(thousands of Edward fangirls…including myself…run into studio and chase after Edward)

Edward: STUPID FANGIRLS!!!! (runs away with girls chasing him)

Director: This is great! Keep filming this, camera guy! This is the best footage we've gotten all day!

Edward: I HATE ALL OF YOU!

Cast: WELCOME TO SHOWBIZ, EDWARD!

**So how was it? Bad, suckish, horrible? This was the first installment, so it probably isn't as good as it could be. But please give it a chance, it will get better later. And I also apologize for my other story in the Naruto category that I have stopped writing. THAT STORY IS ON HIATUS! Anyway, please review, comment…and favourite!**


	2. Episode 2: uninvited guests

_**Episode two: uninvited guests**_

Director: okay! That's a wrap! Take ten, everybody! And somebody please clean up the bag that Rose dropped on Edward's foot

Edward: isn't somebody gonna get me medical help?! My foot is bleeding!

Director: sorry…I don't think that help is going to help you at this point

Edward: HEY!

Rose: tee hee!

Edward: SHUT UP!

(director walks away)

Director: I'm going to my trailer to get an aspirin! DON'T WAIT UP!

Winry: what's his problem? (Edward shivers and starts to edge away from Winry) oh, don't worry, Edward! I'm totally past this whole fangirl thing!

Edward: oh good! Hey…aren't you, like, not in this episode?

Winry: I'm just wasting time until I am in an episode. I really need more screen time. I mean…when we were actually doing all this…didn't I contribute more to the plot?

Edward: I'm just going with it until I get paid. Then it's off to México!

Winry: why are you going to México?

Edward: (whispers) because then the studio wont be able to make a crappy spin off show based on the same events as this show but with less filler. That, and I really like tacos. (**a/n: I really love brotherhood, but the joke seemed to fit. I'm not ripping on it or anything. It's better than the original**)

Winry: that's nice…I was thinking of running away to Japan. Doesn't that sound nice?

Naruto: I think I found the studio!

Sakura: seriously…were, like, 300 episodes in and you still cant find the studio! Las week we walked into Ouran High School Host Club and everyone thought you were Tameki's stunt double! I mean, you guys don't even look kind of alike. He's hot…and, well…you're not!

Naruto: hey! I'm plenty hot!

Edward: do you guys wanna tell us what you're doing here?

Sakura: I told you we were in the wrong place! Naruto, you idiot!

Winry: ooh! Who does you're hair?

Sakura: um…I…do…?

Director: ugh…what are you two doing here? Aren't you the ones who keep walking into other animes? Didn't Death Note get a restraining order against you cuz the pink one tried to glomp Light?

Sakura and Naruto: …um…no?

Director: that wasn't a question! Now leave!

Winry: aw! But I was just about to get hair tips from pinky!

Director: yea? And I was just about to book my flight to México but apparently I have to stay here. As you can see, nobody gets what they want, so deal with it!

Naruto: (Whispering to Sakura) obviously this guy has real issues.

Sakura: yea…sure…_that's _his problem.

Director: I'm going to go get another aspirin! (walks away talking to himself)

Edward: sooooooo…does that mean we can go home now?

Alphonse: I guess so…and besides. Winry and I have a date!

Winry: WHAT?! No we don't!

Alphonse: that's not what you said last night!

Winry: why you…(hits Alphonse with her wrench)

Edward: ha ha ha! (Winry hits him as well)

Winry: well…this episode was completely useless…but thanks for reading it anyway. Even if it made absolutely no sense what so ever.

Edward: (from the ground) who the hell are you talking to?!

Winry: SHUT UP BEFORE I HIT YOU AGAIN!

Edward: yes, master!

**I know…short and stupid. Well the next chapters will be better I promise. Thank you for reading! Comments are much appreciated, but no flaming me please!**


	3. Episode 3: Ed and the Video Game

_**Episode three: Ed and the video game**_

Edward: and I will get you're body back, Al

Alphonse: okay, brother!

Director: CUT! What episode's script are you two reading?!

Edward: Uh…I don't know anymore!

Director: Whatever…I'm going to the drugstore to buy some more aspirin. I ran out whilst filming the last episode.

Alphonse: (whispers to Edward) did he just say "whilst", brother?

Edward: well, he's a nerdy Japanese guy. He says stuff like that.

Al: aren't we Japanese?

Edward: I just don't know anymore!

Winry: am I in this episode?

Ed: I have absolutely no idea.

Winry: didn't you two read the script?

Al and Ed: why would we read the script for our own show?

Ed: seriously, I think we covered that one in the first episode.

Winry: …

Ed: anyway, I'm going to go play Final Fantasy. (Walks away)

THIRTY MINUTES LATER…

Winry: um…Ed? Yea…its time for you to get on the set now, so I think you should… (Pause) …what the hell are you doing?

Edward: quiet, whatever-your-name-is! I'm trying to kick Sephiroth's ass!

Winry: but my names Winry! And the directors gonna go ballistic if you don't-

Edward: DIE, SIN, DIE!!!!!

Winry: um…I thought you were playing Final Fantasy VII!?

Edward: I was…but this fanfiction doesn't make any sense anyway. The authoress obviously couldn't decide between Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy X. In my opinion, they both rule.

Winry: um…what?! That didn't make any sense at all! And that's coming from a chick whose whole life centers around making metal limbs for a guy who won't even look twice at her!

Edward: Hm…? Did you say something, girl-I-don't-know?

(Winry stomps away)

Winry: I hate you, Edward Elric!

Edward: KISS YUNA, YOU STUPID TIDUS! Oh…did you say something Witney?

Winry: IT'S Winry!

(Al enters cast green room to find Winry leaving in angry tears and Edward playing Final Fantasy…what ever)

Alphonse: um…brother…? What are you playing?

Edward: KINGDOM HEARTS! GO, MICKEY, GO! KILL THAT HEARTLESS, SORA!

Alphonse: I thought you were playing Final Fantasy!

Edward: I am! Don't you see the second TV and play station? And besides…technically, I AM playing final fantasy cuz Sephiroth and Cloud are in this game. So it's exactly like final fantasy, except the main character sounds like a ten year old girl and Mickey Mouse plays a vital role in the game…for some reason…stupid square enix-Disney collaboration project! Like I said before…this Fanfic doesn't make any sense anyway, so I can do what ever I want!

Alphonse: brother! Stop talking! You're going to break the fourth wall! And you remember what happened last time we broke the fourth wall, don't you, brother?

(The boys have a flash back to the time they accidentally lost Al's body, Ed's arm and leg, and opened the gate)

Edward: good point, brother! Now leave me alone so I can play this video game!

Alphonse: but the director said-

Edward: screw the director, I have money…I mean a video game addiction!

Alphonse: *coughLittleKuribohcaugh*

Ed: what was that?

Al: stop ripping off LittleKuriboh! You're lucky he's even back on YouTube!

Ed: and you're worried about me breaking the fourth wall???

Al: aw, whatever, brother! I'm going to the set…you know…so I _don't _get fired?

Ed: they can't fire me…it's my show!

Al: I'm in this show too, you know, brother

(Pause as both the brothers look blankly at each other)

Ed: yea, like I said…my show

(Winry walks into the room crying)

Winry: the director says that since none of you will show up-

Al and Ed: WERE FIRED?!

Winry: no…he just quit. He says we can go home until the production company finds someone else, which could take a few weeks.

Ed: so we get to go home because the director waked out on us?!

Winry: that, and Hiromu Arakawa (the manga-ka of our lives) is finally feeling the pressure of having to produce manga at top speed just so that this retarded show is aired each week!

Al: but I love this show! So does AnimePrincess911! She said-

Ed: shut up! Sin is going to kick Tidus if I don't do something!

Al: but the fourth wall…

Ed: shut up and let me play my final fantasy! You're the one breaking it this time, anyway!

(A huge door randomly opens up in front of the cast)

Cast: OH MY GOD! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!

Winry: quick, Ed! Run for your life…I mean my automail's life!

Ed: who are you again?

**Ha ha…I got a kick out of this one. I love Final Fantasy. I just had to write this. If you didn't get some of the stuff, just ask me and I'll explain it to you. Thank you for reading! Please comment, favourite, and stuff!**


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